Forrest Tucker by Gary Griffin
The star of televisions zany sitcom, F Troop sported one of the thickest, beefiest and longest penises of all. “Tuck” along with his friends Milton Berle and comedian Harry Ritz founded “The Long Schlong Club of Bel Air.” The standing rule of the club was that one must be hung at least 10 inches to join. In the movie “Auntie Mame” there is a scene with Tuck walking beside his horse in a pair of crispy-ironed jodhpurs. The outline of his horsecock is clearly visible. Tuck was understandably proud of his phallic leviathan (which allegedly measured 8 soft and 10 hard) and his membership in the Lakeside Golf Club gave him opportunities to show off his prize-winning knockwurst. When he and his wife attended social functions, folks in the know would discreetly point and make phallic gestures with their hands spread a foot apart. Writer James Bacon pens the following humorous anecdote:
"Whenever I get out of town, people are always asking me: 'When you go to a Hollywood party, what do the stars talk about?'
"Well, other than themselves and their latest movie, they gossip a lot, backbite a lot, and invariably, sometime in the evening, the conversation will get around to the size of Forrest Tucker's and Milton Berle's respective cocks. In no place in the world is a large cock held in more reverence than Hollywood. Both men and women will listen in awe when you talk about Tuck and Uncle Miltie. As one who has seen both, I can command center stage at any Hollywood party.
"It's a tie between the two - and they both know it...
"Tuck primarily goes to the [Lakeside Gold Club] to play golf, which he does very well every day. He has a few drinks on the course - Lakeside has that bar on the ninth hole - and then comes into the clubhouse and has six or eight more with lunch. After lunch comes a massage in the locker room. He soon falls asleep on the table, which is not hard to do after eighteen holes of golf and eight or ten scotches. The masseur covers his naked midsection with a towel.
"And then the parade begins. Members with guests, especially with out-of-town guests, never fail to visit the sleeping Tuck. There's the lifting of the towel, and a lot of oohs and ahs, not to mention looks of envy...
"Milton, being more of a showoff than Tucker, and a nondrinker to boot, doesn't have to fall asleep. If you are a friend of a friend, Milton will display it. He's very proud of it, as is Tuck, and rightfully so...
"One day Joey [Bishop] came to Milton's dressing room and said, 'All my life in New York and Philadelphia I have been hearing about your cock. I gotta see it. Show it to me, please, Milton.'
"Milton, always the gentleman, whipped it out, knocking down two of his brothers in the full sweep...
"Milton and Tucker are both about the size of a small Missouri mule...
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